dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i think i have herpe
just one?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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