I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
