fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
