morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
