So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
MIDGETS
????
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
