his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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