I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
