I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
