He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize