coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
