I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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