good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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