ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
