Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
