You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
its liver damage thursday
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
