Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
