I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You took a bar mat shot.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
