so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
