I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize