I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize