you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
