I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So many bounce houses so little time
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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