I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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