So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
