i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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