i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
