so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
