You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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