Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
