I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
