The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
