I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I lost the right to judge tonight
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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