My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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