I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
