I swear she didn't look like that last week.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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