The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
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