I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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