thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
