when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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