I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
