who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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