Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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