just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize