Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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