why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
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