My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
