i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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