youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
