Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
