i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I wear drunk well.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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