Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
