You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
