he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize