its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
