was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
