I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
