i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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