I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's rum buckets o'clock
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
