I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
