ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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