OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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