There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
