i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
