It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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