I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
