Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
