Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
