Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
