I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
