watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
