remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize